This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
