don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
