WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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