Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
