I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
