3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what day is it and did you see me today?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
