I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
