I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
