please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
