I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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