my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize