Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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