My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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