Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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