you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He better not be in your backpack
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
