i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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