Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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