Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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