What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
