I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
