White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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