remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
