I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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