I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
