How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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