I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
