I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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