I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
