the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
