I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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