Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
