it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
