I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Alive.
So much puke
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
