Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What drink are we having for lunch?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
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