There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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