Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So apparently I’m into choking now
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