If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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