well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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