He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
