I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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