she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
