HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
