i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
