Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I could have mohawked her pubes.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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