Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
