Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
