every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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