um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
