So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
