Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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