after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He passed out mid-signature
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Semen is not good for contacts.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
