Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
