I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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