So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize