Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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