You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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