watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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