It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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