this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
