I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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