If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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