I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
