Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She needs sedatives and a leash
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize