dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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