drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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