First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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