Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
me + whiskey = a bad person
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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