ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
