At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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